I review a meal I didn’t eat.

By Zach Walker

All I can tell you is that the gluten-free meal was a solid seven out of 10. The chicken was a tad bit dry. Also, people should use the word “tad” more often.

As a young man allergic to gluten, a protein found in wheat, I couldn’t eat 50 percent of the main banquet meal. But I signed up for the food review. So, I’m just going to judge based on the reactions of my table mates.

Nobody cried while eating the spaghetti. But I didn’t hear any cheers, either. I assume the sauce was under-seasoned in true Sodexo fashion, so maybe people should have cried. Would have added a little salt.

The gluten free bread alternative was a room-temperature slice of multigrain with seeds in it. Why are there seeds in everything, now? Anyway, my friend laughed at me when I was spreading the packaged butter on my slice, so the breadstick must have been all right.

Personally, I prefer my salads steaming hot, but some cold greens can really hit sometimes. And those cucumbers? Boy howdy, did those suckers look fresh!

The beans were lean, green, and clean. Again, I can safely assume they were void of salt, but nobody flipped the table over it. My girlfriend (sorry ladies) loved them, but that doesn’t say much as I can name zero vegetables she doesn’t enjoy.

As for dessert, the chocolate bundt cake looked like it was frosted by a color-blind Jackson Pollock. Chartreuse and baby blue? Really? But the guy who made fun of me for my seed bread said it was the best chocolate cake he had tasted in years.

Overall, Sodexo didn’t shock anyone, but they also didn’t serve rotisserie chicken. So, that’s a win.

Now, excuse me while I eat my seeds.