The short and semi-sweet report on what’s hot and what’s not. 

Rachel Blood | News Reporter

Coming into Bethel as a journalism major, I was told that I’d be diving headfirst into hard topics and pressing societal issues, but I didn’t expect it to be so difficult. This week, I was faced with reporting on one of the most controversial topics facing society today… goldfish crackers.

HOTTEST: FLAVOR BLASTED

If nostalgia was a flavor, it would be flavor-blasted cheddar goldfish. They’re addicting and mind-blowingly satisfying. Does anyone else remember eating them right out of the bag while watching Phineas and Ferb?

HOTTER: RAINBOW

We know the colors all taste the same, but the same is true for Skittles. They’re still a classic and I’ll defend them until the day I die. 

HOT: PARMESAN

Not too messy, not too intense– the perfect middle ground.

COLD: PRETZEL

It’s not that they taste horrible, but Goldfish should stick to crackers. If I really wanted pretzels, I’d hit up Ace for some Dot’s.

COLDER: PIZZA

Pizza belongs on pizza, not anything else.

COLDEST: VANILLA CUPCAKEGoldfish are crackers. Crackers. Whoever tried to make them into a dessert instead of a savory snack needs to check themselves.