Last week, I scribbled down “send brother happy birthday text” on my to-do list and crossed it off with the gusto of completing a 12-page research paper on literary theory.

The trick to a successful to-do list starts with writing down the simplest task – clip toenails, heat up pizza, send grandpa a Snapchat. One essential component: never write down anything you actually need to accomplish – start paper that was due last week, prep for presentation, and a place to live. This will only leave you staring at Monday’s “write humor column” bullet point at 3:50 p.m. on the Thursday that Prince passes away, while simultaneously reading First Ave’s newest tweet, “All Night Dance Party. Tonight. 11:00PM | 18+ | No Cover | First Avenue”

You go to the dance party. All night. The truth is I’m surprised I made it to graduation. I signed up for about six big-ticket commitments this semester, then promptly sat on my couch for three months. I watched each commitment simultaneously blow up, while the deep brown sofa slipcover mocked my inaction and I thought, is is adult life.

Incomplete to-do lists.

Now that I’ve successfully smoothed over my failures and slid into the last two weeks of my senior year, only three IDEA class surveys stand between me and creating longer, more pointless to-do lists to ensure I make it through the real world.

Here are some tasks I hope to cross off in my first year out of college: