Having covered the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference for the past two years here at the Bethel Clarion, one thing crosses my mind every time I attend a game. Where is the nickname creativity in this conference? From low-effort nicknames like Johnnies and Bennies to the on-the-nose eponym of Saints for a Catholic school to the generic Wildcats moniker to whatever an Ole is, I can’t help but think we can do better. So I decided to get this off my chest and settle this once and for all in the only objective and journalistic way possible: by ranking all 13 schools by their names.
- Gustavus Adolphus College Gusties
For the bottom half of this list, all the nicknames are pretty interchangeable in the “shorten part of your school’s name to come up with a nickname” category, but Gustavus earns the bottom spot. Mostly because of the historical Swedish king from which the school derives its name, the potential to dig into that history and heritage for a memorable nickname and settling on Gusties is what earns it the bottom spot.
- St. Olaf Oles
“What’s an Ole?” is a phrase many opposing fans have shouted, and it’s as much a genuine question as it is a pejorative. The name conjures up thoughts of a Tex-Mex chain’s potato side dish rather than striking fear in the hearts of opponents.
- College of Saint Benedict Bennies
This one is so generic that I can’t think of ways to tear it apart. I think that says it all.
- Augsburg University Auggies
“Auggies” at least rolls off the tongue somewhat nicely, and they get extra points for having some type of mascot as their primary logo in an eagle—an overused, avian mascot, but a mascot nonetheless.
- College of Saint Scholastica Saints
While the name is very on-the-nose for a Catholic school, they elevate themselves by having maybe the best hockey sweaters in the MIAC while utilizing the old Minnesota Fighting Saints logo as a shoulder patch.
- St. Catherine’s University Wildcats
St. Kate’s does elevate themselves above the bottom of the pack in its decision to pick an actual nickname and mascot rather than an abbreviated version of their university, but a Wildcat may be the most generic of all animal mascots. It’s a very broad and nonspecific member of the big cat family. If you’re going this route, commit to a species. Panthers, bobcats, tigers, leopards… the choices are endless. They still get points for using a distinct purple and gold color scheme.
- Carleton College Knights
Fictional protectors of the realm isn’t a bad idea for a mascot. Overused perhaps, but a perfectly acceptable nickname, even though I’ve never seen an armor-clad soldier patrolling the streets of Northfield mounted on a horse.
- Saint John’s Johnnies
You may be shocked to find this one so high up on this list as you can probably already guess how I feel about this genre of nickname, but the Johnnies also have a rat as a mascot. That easily catapulted it into the top half for me. I can’t think of another college proudly sporting a scrappy rodent to represent their university.
- Saint Mary’s University Cardinals
A much more unique name for a Catholic institution, as it can refer to both the clerical figure or the red bird.
- Bethel University Royals
Just to prove this is an unbiased list, I left my own university off the podium, but Royals is a solid name, and navy and vegas gold is a slick color scheme.
- Hamline University Pipers
I’m kind of surprised I ranked this so high, to be honest, but it’s a unique name and one that stands out among the rest.
- Macalester College Scots
This may be the only time you see a single-digit number next to the name Macalester in terms of athletics. But Scots is a phenomenal nickname, and with the introduction of the highland cow as their mascot, Macalester has outdone itself in terms of sports branding.
- Concordia College Cobbers
They may be the odd one out in terms of travel—no less than a five-hour drive from most other MIAC members. But Concordia decided to stand out in other ways, most notably by naming itself after a crop. Even Nebraska didn’t have the courage to name themselves after the vegetable itself, opting instead for the name Cornhuskers instead. To top it off, the mascot is an angry ear of corn. Distinct. Memorable. Perfect. No notes. Fear the ear.
